Series of events had led me to the realization. It didn't look like a spiritual path; well, at least in the beginning and in the middle of it for sure. Since childhood I found it difficult to be in any group of people. Not that I was feeling as rara avis, but definitely it was far from feeling comfortable. For years I was searching the ways of comfortable communication. My closest friends were books of Vonnegut, Lema, Pelevin. Especially the last one, he had touched something very deep, and even though he didn't manage to wake it up, this «something new» had been activated and was waiting for its time to come.

The Search in esoteric depths didn't attract me as I couldn't find the rational seed there. So, by the beginning of my study in the university, I almost managed to become a regular person: psychological stability, sense of humour, healthy skepticism and rational approach to everything – in general, all qualities which helped me to be easy-going and to find recognition in each group. However, this stable world view was fated to bulge. At 24 years there was a serious danger to the body – a heavy disease, and long killing treatment. Everything turned from toe to head. There was no choice but to accept my own death. Believe it or not, a miracle, the life became much easier after that! I didn't expect that. I spent few months in constant happiness from the fact that I am, and from going back to the old values under the effect of the past experiences.

All of a sudden I met the Master (Dragon – Ngo-Ma)! There were few first difficult talks when the sincerity of his answers was leaving me no choice. I was gradually giving up all my concerns as second hand clothes. When there were only a few of them left, experiences started. They were the real endurances – I was either EVERYTHING, or NOTHING; either enlightened or the enlightenment itself, etc. I wonder how, but there came an end to the illusion and false. Two years of the search had led itself to the complete failure. Nothing is climbing on top of the other and is not disturbing «me». Simply thoughts, simply feelings, all on its places. That's the thing.